| Christmas Caroling Coal: How It Happened |
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| Written by Dave Loos | |
| Wednesday, 10 December 2008 | |
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(UPDATE: December 12. Bah Humbug! The ACCCE has taken down its lovable coal carolers. Luckily, video evidence still exists here.) The American Coalition For Clean Coal Electricity has reinvented Christmas caroling as only they could -- see if for yourself here (you're going to want the sound on for this). Perhaps you're wondering how this happened. Lucky for you, EnviroWonk has uncovered the secret audio recording of the meeting where ACCCE employees devised this holiday treat. The following is an unedited transcript: ACCCE Marketing Genius: Good afternoon sir. Director, ACCCE Public Relations. Come on in, what's up? AMG: Sir, I have an idea for a holiday-themed addition to our Web site. I wanted to fly it by you before I have the Web folks get to work on it. PR: Really, I thought we had agreed to spend December's marketing budget sponsoring CNN programming and dictating on-air talking points like we did a few months ago. AMG: Yes, of course. We can still do all that. This idea won't cost us much at all. PR: Great. Let's hear it. AMG: Well everyone likes Christmas carolers, right? And everyone obviously likes coal, since it's such a clean, reliable and inexpensive source of energy in these challenging times. So naturally it makes sense to combine the two. PR: Hmmmm. Go on. AMG: So what if we were to dress up pieces of coal, add some crude animation, and have them sing a variety of holiday carols? PR: Wow! Coal and Christmas. I don't see how that could have any negative connotations whatsoever. AMG: Exactly, Sir! I knew you would see the potential in this. PR: Tell me more. How are we going to make black pieces of carbon appear lifelike and cute for the viewing public. AMG: Well first we'll give them faces and eyes ... PR: Wait, can we make the eyes blink?! AMG: Yes! I've also sketched out a few outfits for the singers. Now obviously it's hard to dress up floating heads, but I've come up with a variety of wonderful hats and scarfs to add some character. You'll barely be able to tell it's a piece of coal. PR: I like it. But what about appendages? How are they going to hold the caroling books? AMG: We'll just make the books float in front of them. I know, not very realistic, but I don't think people will notice. PR: Sounds good. So will the coal be singing traditional holiday songs? AMG: Yes ... (giggling) ... but with a twist! ... (more giggling) .... I've taken some of our society's most beloved and traditional carols -- even the religious ones -- and written new lyrics for all of them! PR: Fantastic! Give me some examples. AMG: Okay, well instead of Frosty The Snowman, they'll sing Frosty The COALMAN! PR: AMG: And I've changed Silent Night to Clean Coal Night. PR: And you said you've written new lyrics? AMG: Yes! Instead of Silent night, holy night/All is calm, all is bright/Round yon Virgin Mother and Child/Holy infant so tender and mild/Sleep in heavenly peace/Sleep in heavenly peace it will be All day, every night/Clean coal provides the light/Heats our homes and keeps us warm/In our country coal powers the night/Plenty for years to come/Plenty for years to come. PR: I see. AMG: And I've written others, like O'Technology and Deck The Halls (With Clean Coal) and .... PR: Okay, stop right there .... AMG: Sir? PR: No need to go on. It's perfect: entertaining, unoffensive, stays on message ... what's not to like? AMG: So it's a go?! PR: Absolutely. Nice work. AMG. Thank you, sir. And happy holidays to you and your family. (end of transcript) Comments (26)
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... was to picture the scene in the ad-agency creative team's office during which they dreamed this up. Clearly, flacking for coal has driven these people mad. This really is the most jaw-droppingly tin-eared, cracked bit of marketing in memory.
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